How to be brave and create the life you want

Do you consider yourself brave? I looked it up and someone brave is defined as “ready to face and endure danger or pain”. Now that seems exaggerated! After all, the biggest “pain” most of us have ever faced is a school detention or a weekend without social media. However, few people realise that bravery and courage is something we need every single day in order to create the life we want. As Coco Chanel said, “The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”

Why is this important? Because until a couple of years ago, I hadn’t even realised I was fearful, and that’d I let that stop me from doing what I wanted to do. Afraid to try, afraid to fail, afraid to go against what others thought I should or shouldn’t do. That is why I know that if you are not brave, and consciously take risks every single day, it is likely that you stay stuck right where you are, and the worst part is that you won’t even notice. 

Try answering these questions before you continue reading:

• What would you do if you couldn’t fail?
• Who would you be if there was no one to judge you?
• What did you want to become when you were a kid? What or who made you change your mind.
• If you had one month to live, would you continue doing exactly what you are doing now?
• Who do you wish you could be?
  

Hopefully that made you realise that there are still a few things pending on your life bucket list. I bet that in most cases, what is stopping you from achieving those things is fear. The problem is, we live in a world where most people conform. Most people are ok with living mediocre lives which allow them to get by and then hopefully retire at some point and get a nice, calm place somewhere. Even in “rebel” or “ marginal” groups, you are expected to follow the rules, stick to the ideology and never question anything. 

But how to live bravely and fearlessly?

Here are a few things which helped me and I am sure they will help you be brave and create the life you want.

Do 1 thing you are afraid of every. single. day.

I’ve talked about this one before, but only because it has literally changed who I am, for the better. It doesn’t have to be something big, the point is that you are training your mind to be comfortable with nervousness and fear. Here is a list of a few things I’ve done, I hope it sparks some ideas. In some cases, they were things which literally paralysed me, in others, they were simply things I’d never dared to try.

• Ask for a salary raise
• Upload a cover of myself playing the ukulele
• Start my own blog
• Go to the club alone (believe me, you’ll make LOTS of friends)
• Explore some dodgy areas of London alone
• Start my investment portfolio
• Sit beside the person I like

… the list goes on….

In any case, make a list of everything you’re afraid of (even slightly) and then try to tick off one thing per day.

Change your perception of fear

We’ve been taught that feeling fear is bad; if you feel fear you should run and scream and never look back (ok, I’m exaggerating a bit). The thing is though, not all fears are bad. Why do we assume that sweaty palms, heavy breathing and a fuzzy mind means “bad idea, don’t do it”. What if instead it means “This is awesome, you have to do it now!”. It is all in the way you think about it. Personally, I’ve become addicted to the feelings of  my mind saying, “Qué vergüenza, no puedo creer que hice eso”. Why? Because it usually means I dared to do something which I hadn’t before, but secretly I am super excited and proud that I managed. 

Do the same thing. Learn to love the nervousness and sweaty palms and screaming into a pillow after you do something you’d never dared to do before (or maybe that is just me?).  This will ensure that whenever a new challenge arises, you can’t wait to tackle it regardless of how afraid you are.

Take the time to know yourself

Ok, this is the part where it can get a bit cheesy, but it is necessary. It is easier to be brave if you know what you are being brave for. Meditate, write in a journal, see a coach, join a retreat… whatever you need to do to figure out who you truly are, what is important for you and your vision for the future. Once you know it, write it down!  Make a vision board! Make a collage out of old magazines. The point is to have your purpose and vision so crystal clear that no one can convince you it’s wrong, or impossible, or that you are not good enough. 

Then stay true to this and don’t compromise it EVER. You probably think it is way out of your reach and people will probably call you crazy, but that is the moment you know you are on to something great.  Get immersed in your vision every day and you’ll see how ‘hard’ and ‘scary’ decisions suddenly become easier. Now you have your why. 

Make fear your new fuel

I know it’s strange, but if on any particular day, I don’t feel slightly afraid or uncomfortable, I know I’ve not grown. I love the quote by Eleanor Roosvelt, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Think of your fears as opportunities to grow, opportunities to be true to yourself and to inspire others. This will motivate you to expose yourself to more challenging situations and have the courage to overcome them. 

Surround yourself with other brave people

All of the points above are related to things which you can mostly do on your own, but honestly, things are so much easier when you have the right people around you. I can confidently say that without my friends, it would have taken me much longer to be brave and dare to create the life I want. Surround yourself by people who a) stick to their own principles and b) love you for who you are. This will inspire you to shine your light and will give you that push which we all need when we are afraid of starting something new. Personally, when I see someone shamelessly sitting on their own, I am immediately attracted to them because they clearly don’t care how other people see them.

So… I hope the previous points help you as much as they’ve helped me. Once you get used to doing small and big things that scare you, life suddenly gets filled with possibilities. You can start a youtube channel, a podcast, sell your first painting, propose, reach out to that person that inspires you….but it all starts with being brave and committing to creating the life YOU want.